Canada Cup/O-Cup #3..........

The following blog was written at 1:30 am Sunday/Monday.  I did not follow my 24 hour rule of waiting to post once I have gathered my thoughts and my feelings were in check.  A couple days later things are back to normal and my disappointment of the race still lingers but I definitely am in a different frame of mind.  Driving 5.5 hrs to race I hoped that things would fall into place but things don't always go as planed!  After all it is JUST a race.  I have chosen not to edit the following post and put it on my blog as is!  Life is good, riding and racing is fun and being surrounded by so many awesome and inspiring people/riders is a privilege!

As written on Sunday, June 3, 2012:

I am posting this blog in the aftermath of a very disappointing race I had today. To wait a day to post this would not capture my true emotions. First off though I would like to highlight my weekend as a true reminder to myself that my weekend must not be defined by my less than par race. 

(The boys!)

(Hardwood on Friday!)

My awesome teamie Erin came over to our house Friday morning. We loaded our van to the roof with bikes, bags, food, camping needs, 3 adults and 2 kids! The big weekend had arrived...... Canada Cup/Ontario Cup #3 at Hardwood Hills. This weekend was months in the planning. The weekend forecast for Barrie was looking a bit grim..... :( It was a rainy drive from home to Barrie. The rain continued pretty heavily all day and into the evening. Luckily we had booked a "kabin" at the KOA so we were sure to be warm and dry! :) Erin and I took a ride to the venue so we could take a quick peek at how the grounds were holding up. The area had serious drought as of late so the rain was much needed. The trails/ground at Hardwood absorb moisture very well. Erin also got her first glimpse at the "Bone Shaker" which looks worse looking up at than it does coming down.

(Top section of the Bone Shaker)

(Middle to bottom sections of the Bone Shaker)

It was grey skies Saturday morning but the rain seemed to stay away. Other than the odd little sprinkle, the weather on Saturday was decent. Erin and I pre-rode the course and we were so fired up. The course was fast, fun, the rain had made the exposed roots slick but no mud or puddles on the trails. In fact they were in good shape! The course was a short loop for the pro/elite riders. It had a couple gradual open climbs, some technical but fast singletrack, the Bone Shaker and the "ever so much fun to ride" BMX track! The rest of Saturday was so relaxing and low key. I was really looking forward to racing Sunday! 

Rain came in over night, and we awoke to a rainy Sunday morning. Our race time was at 11:30 am. We had a good breakfast (oatmeal) and headed to the venue. We did our warm up in the rain and after one more bathroom stop we headed over to the starting pen. They did call up for the 28 pro women. Emily Batty (Trek/Subaru) was first called up and I was last to be called up. I must of been last to register?? Regardless, I got myself in line and we all took off at the horn! 

(and we're off.... I'm in there somewhere!)

So where does this post go from here.......?? The opening climb was a nice controlled pace and I was patient and slowly made my way through to mid pack. The rain was heavier and the trails were getting "slipperier" and "muddier". My first lap of 5 was ok. I came around for my second lap and I really don't know what shut off in my head! I did not have the want to push..... I was a spectator out there. I was out for a ride not a race. As the trail conditions worsened, I had no focus, wiping out, tapping my foot down, sliding....... doing everything but racing. I distinctly remember trying to coax myself to get "racing". A male rider went by me breathing heavy and pushing himself and I knew my effort was no where near that and my heart rate monitor indicated it! What was up with me?? Why did I not want to chase or have the desire to push myself harder?? I wanted it yesterday and the day before and the day before........ I came across the finish line in 13th. Yes, 13th at a National race, but this was not a good race for me. I headed to the van and quickly wanted my number plate removed from my bike and the pinned number taken off my back. Why?? Well because I was mad and embarrassed about my performance. That's the truth. It was a real let down and disappointment. So I am having this pity party and the idea is to allow myself to do so but to move on quickly. I try and put everything in perspective.... it's not my life, it's not my only race, I cannot define myself by it. I am bruised and sore physically and mentally and I am a bit angry at my effort or lack there of!

(Me in the middle section)

But my teammate Erin on the other hand, who has never been to Hardwood, did great. I am so proud of her. She finished 20th, and she too looked physically beat up with instant bruising showing up on her body after the race! 

(Erin!!)

(Me..... Just rolling through)

 

 

Good job to all who showed up and RACED! Thanks to the Hardwood crew for the awesome trail system and venue and to all the spectators! Special thanks to the wonderful young group of girls that cheered sooooo loud every time riders would go by. They would shout out the racers number plate and then continue to cheer as you pedalled away up the climb. To my boys and husband for standing in the rain and being my support, thanks!

Time to re-evaluate, take a deep breathe, and re-focus. I have a long season ahead of me!

Cheers,
Sue